12 More SEO Idiots (or Experts) to Avoid

A few months ago, I posted 7 SEO idiots and subsequently received myriad ideas for other SEO idiots. Below you’ll find 12 more SEO idiots with dialogue and oatmeal-like depictions. Thank you to everyone who submitted ideas. For those ideas I’ve used, I’ve given the comment author a link.

Poor Link Requester

Three years ago, I remember hearing that 3-way link exchanges would be the new wave of linkbuilding. Unfortunately, those who still request these types of link exchanges are behind the curve. Many SEO idiots who request these link exchanges, ask for a link from your main homepage and only offer you a pathetic link on their affiliate site’s links page.

Submitted by Jim Rudnick
As you are aware that 3 way link exchange is much more useful than reciprocal link exchange, so I request you to add our site at your blog roll. In reply we will add your link at another website we own, viagra for kitties

As you are aware that 3 way link exchange is much more useful than reciprocal link exchange, so I request you to add our site at your blog roll. In reply we will add your link at another website we own, viagra for kitties

1997 SEO

These SEOs had their glory days in the late 90s. They were able to game even the best of search engines. However, getting SEO results in the late 90s has no bearing on the ability to achieve rankings today. Many of these SEOs focus on meta keywords and keyword stuffing. Stay away from these old-timers.

Submitted by Jill Kocher
For your campaign, we're going to focus on meta keywords and search engine submissions. I used to have hundreds of sites ranked at Excite and Infoseek. I've been in the industry since before search engines existed. Actually, it was I who coined the term, SEO.

For your campaign, we're going to focus on meta keywords and search engine submissions. I used to have hundreds of sites ranked at Excite and Infoseek. I've been in the industry since before search engines existed. Actually, it was I who coined the term, SEO.

Blackhatter Who Continuously Raises SE Flags

I’m not out to bash any particular SEO company here, especially in lieu of recent events. But, let’s be honest, blackhat or greyhat practices don’t just hurt the reputation of the offending SEO company–poor practices also hurt the entire SEO industry.

Submitted by Gary Young
Hmmmm... Not sure how you were deindexed. We do use a few paid link opportunities ... actually, we’ve bought a few million links pointing to your site ... Remember, one of our clients is JCPenney, so we do work for the big dogs.

Hmmmm... Not sure how you were deindexed. We do use a few paid link opportunities ... actually, we’ve bought a few million links pointing to your site ... Remember, one of our clients is JCPenney, so we do work for the big dogs.

Garage SEO with a Confidential Client List

If no client list exists, that can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either he/she signed a confidentiality agreement with his/her clients or he/she doesn’t have any clients worth mentioning. I’m going to guess it’s the latter. Lack of a company website should be a good red flag that the individual has no idea what he/she is doing.

Submitted by Eric Miltsch
Well, I can't really send you a client list or any case studies because all that information is confidential. Honestly, I don't have a website because I'm just way too busy servicing clients.

Well, I can't really send you a client list or any case studies because all that information is confidential. Honestly, I don't have a website because I'm just way too busy servicing clients.

The “I won’t come to your office for less than $5000″ SEO

Evidently, there are some pompous individuals in the industry. More power to them. Even if an SEO can provide incredible results and charge high prices, that doesn’t give him permission to treat others with a “holier than thou” attitude.

Submitted by Warner Carter
You're wasting my time. Don't you realize that we're incorporated and we only work with 'big' clients? I'm amazed that you would even try to offer $4,000!

You're wasting my time. Don't you realize that we're incorporated and we only work with 'big' clients? I'm amazed that you would even try to offer $4,000!

Backlink Buyer

Much like the Blackhatter above, the Backlink Buyer makes a living from buying and selling links. While this SEO may be good at staying ahead of Google’s spam net, his tactics will eventually be discovered.

Submitted by Bill Bolmeier
So if you want links, I'll buy em' up by the truckload. I keep a special list of great places to purchase links. That's why I'm charging you by the link, because it's all about getting those links.

So if you want links, I'll buy em' up by the truckload. I keep a special list of great places to purchase links. That's why I'm charging you by the link, because it's all about getting those links.

Future SEO

These SEOs are thinkers but never doers. They’ll talk your ear off about new, innovative techniques and how they could pull off the “perfect” campaign. But when it comes to actually doing the work, they never perform.

Submitted by Jonas
Well, link building is great but there is just so much spam that I don't know if link building will stick around as a proven SEO practice. I really think Search Engines will have more social influence in the future but I'm not sure how.

Well, link building is great but there is just so much spam that I don't know if link building will stick around as a proven SEO practice. I really think Search Engines will have more social influence in the future but I'm not sure how.

Web Designer SEO

These yahoos are similar to the Conversion Expert who thinks that conversion optimization will somehow result in higher rankings. Admittedly, I used to be one of these SEOs. If someone is making design recommendations to improve SEO, this person is probably a web developer who has merely dabbled in SEO.

Submitted by NatC
Let's talk style and code. Your site is, well, extremely ugly and Google doesn't like ugly. If we just do a quick redesign and recode the entire site you'll see a stellar improvement in Search rankings.

Let's talk style and code. Your site is, well, extremely ugly and Google doesn't like ugly. If we just do a quick redesign and recode the entire site you'll see a stellar improvement in Search rankings.

Moon on a Stick SEO

These SEOs are great. They can make huge ranking promises with unbelievable guarantees or warranties. However, their contracts’ fine print usually mentions that they’ll only get rankings for long-tail or obscure keyphrases.

Submitted by theWebalyst
We guarantee to get you on page one of Google ... lowers voice and whispers into his hand for any keyword that only you or I will ever type into a search box. 'Organic kitty chow for me and my kitty today'

We guarantee to get you on page one of Google ... lowers voice and whispers into his hand for any keyword that only you or I will ever type into a search box. 'Organic kitty chow for me and my kitty today'

Off Page Only SEO

Contrasting the Sparkling, White Hat SEO, this SEO prefers to do off-page SEO only. In fact, this SEO probably has no clue how to perform on-page optimization. Good luck trying to get him to do keyword research and on-page SEO.

Submitted by Afzal Khan
So your site has no credible content? No worries, link building will always do the trick. We can even do SEO if you don’t have a website yet. We will link build till the cows come home.

So your site has no credible content? No worries, link building will always do the trick. We can even do SEO if you don’t have a website yet. We will link build till the cows come home.

Packaging SEO

Because SEO is one of those things that can be compartmentalized into specific packages (NOT), this SEO has taken the packaging syndrome to a whole new level. He makes it easy on you by allowing you to choose from an internet marketing menu of sorts. Don’t get me wrong, many SEO ‘tasks’ can be packaged, but SEO as a whole, is too complex and constantly changing to be easily segmented into basic packages.

Submitted by Daniel Dessinger
For the small monthly fee of $500/month, you're going to get our Bronze package 300 directory links and 100 article submissions. Or you could upgrade to our Silver package for $1000/month and get twice the directory links and the article submissions! No one can beat this offer!

For the small monthly fee of $500/month, you're going to get our Bronze package 300 directory links and 100 article submissions. Or you could upgrade to our Silver package for $1000/month and get twice the directory links and the article submissions! No one can beat this offer!

PPC Guy

The PPC Guy SEO has never learned what the word, “organic,” means. Hey, PPC is basically the same as SEO, right? At least that what he thinks. He believes his expert PPC skills fully qualify him as an SEO expert as well.

Submitted by Rasmus Himmelstrup
SEO is getting you listed on the first page of Google. I spend most of my time keeping ad bids low and boosting your quality score. No, PPC and SEO are basically the same things. When I get your ads listed on google I'm basically 'optimizing' them for search engines.